Approach and avoidance sexual motives: Implications for personal and interpersonal well-being

This research provides the first empirical investigation of how approach and avoidance motives for engaging in sex in intimate relationships are associated with personal well-being and relationship quality. A 2-week daily experience study of college student dating couples tested specific predictions from the theoretical model and included both longitudinal and dyadic components. Whereas approach sex motives were positively associated with personal and interpersonal well-being, avoidance sex motives were negatively associated with well-being. Engaging in sex for avoidance motives was particularly detrimental to the maintenance of relationships over time. Perceptions of a partner s motives for sex were also associated with well-being. Implications for the conceptualization of sexuality in relationships along these two dimensions are discussed. Sexual interactions in young adulthood can be positive forces that bring partners closer and make them feel good about themselves and their relationships. In the National Health and Social Life Survey (NHSLS), 78% of participants in monogamous dating relationships reported being either extremely or very pleased with their sexual relationship (Laumann, Gagnon, Michael, & Michaels, 1994). For instance, when asked to rate specific feelings they experienced after engaging in sex, a majority of the participants reported positive feelings (i.e., ‘‘felt loved,’’ ‘‘thrilled,’’ ‘‘wanted,’’ or ‘‘taken care of ’’). More generally, feelings of satisfaction with the sexual aspects of an intimate relationship contribute to overall relationship satisfaction and stability over time (e.g., Sprecher, 2002; see review by Sprecher & Cate, 2004). In short, sexual interactions can be potent forces that sustain and enhance intimate relationships. For some individuals and under certain circumstances, however, sexual interactions can be anything but positive and rewarding. They may create emotional distress, personal discontent, and relationship conflict. For instance, in the NHSLS, a sizable minority of respondents in dating relationships indicated that sex with an exclusive partner made them feel ‘‘sad,’’ ‘‘anxious and worried,’’ ‘‘scared and afraid,’’ or ‘‘guilty’’ (Laumann et al., 1994). Negative reactions to sex may stem from such diverse sources as prior traumatic or coercive experiences in relationships, feeling at a power disadvantage in one s current relationship, or discrepancies in sexual desire between partners, to name a few (e.g., Davies, Katz, & Jackson, 1999; Muehlenhard & Schrag, 1991). The studies reported here were based on Emily A. Impett s dissertation. Preparation of this article was supported by a fellowship awarded to the first author from the Sexuality Research Fellowship Program of the Social Science Research Council with funds provided by the Ford Foundation. We thank Katie Bishop, Renee Delgado, and Laura Tsang for their assistance with data collection and Andrew Christensen, Terri Conley, Martie Haselton, and Linda Sax for comments on an earlier version of this manuscript. Correspondence should be addressed to Emily A. Impett, Center for Research on Gender and Sexuality, San Francisco State University, 2017 Mission Street #300, San Francisco, CA 94110, e-mail: [email protected]. Personal Relationships, 12 (2005), 465–482. Printed in the United States of America. Copyright 2005 IARR. 1350-4126=05